Secrets of Management....

You wouldn't think of it if you saw me, but I am accidentally quite good at my job. And now that I've said that I've probably just jinxed it and when I get back to work on Monday, the cinema will be on fire, half the staff will have resigned and I'll find a note from my boss telling me that 'we have to talk' which as everyone knows is code for 'this relationship just isn't working out (professionally speaking of course). Your final payslip will be sent to you in the post'.

But before all that happens I want to revel in my starlight (in the company's eyes) before it comes crashing back down to earth with a thump.

I'm accidentally good at my job which is odd because I accidentally fell into it when I was 23. Before becoming a Cinema Manager I'd been doing a stint in HMV here and a couple of weeks in Telesales there. I'd never had what you could call 'a proper job' since graduating. And then I started working in Cinema. Since then I've trained and practised as an HR Advisor between the cinema work and last year some berk (my boss) decided it would be a good idea to put me in charge of a London cinema.

I don't really want to work as a manager for the rest of my life. Like most of us, it's something that I keep telling myself will pay for the bills until I can actually make some money off the work I really want to do. I pushed myself hard to get into the position I'm in right now because I thought it would give me the flexibility to do the work I want to do in my spare time (cinema hours are not like regular work hours as anyone who works there will tell you). But I'm not here to talk about that right now. Right now I should do what the title of this post has said I will do and share some things I've learnt about management.

1. Always be nice to the people who are working for you, even if you hate them. Treat them with respect even if they're secretly plotting your downfall when you're not there. I've been fortunate to have worked with some very good people the past year and they've grafted hard to give the cinema I run the results it's gained. But I've also worked with people who've hated my guts. No one can be a good manager unless they get the people who are working for them on their side. 9 times out of 10 this means doing a lot of things that you'd rather not do. Even simple things like taking a half hour to talk to one of your team about what's on their mind can make a big difference. People find it hard to hate someone if that someone is working hard themselves and spending time with the people working for them. Of course the lazy fucks who don't want to work will still hate you, but that's okay because the moment they fuck up (and they will) you can fire them.

2. Listen. Hard for me as I have a tendency to interrupt people. But I'm learning......slowly....I know it works!

3. Smile. (I must sound like Walt Disney come back from the dead to brainwash people) But seriously, just saying hello and smiling can piss off the people who are trying to fuck you over and make the people who want to work feel better. Especially when times are tough or things are going bad.

4. Don't go on a power trip and think the sun shines out of your arse. It doesn't. The most successful managers I know are the ones who recognise that the people who do the majority of the work are the people who work for them. If you can't recognise this and be humble about it, then you shouldn't be a manager. It's okay to feel proud and powerful once in a while, but don't let it go to your head or you're fucked. Adolf Hitler and many like him have discovered this at great cost.

5. Don't be afraid to try new things or challenge the status quo. Sometimes you can take over a bad team, a demotivated team or a brilliant team. In each case it's important to keep that team interested and on their toes. Give them new things to do. Assign them projects. Make their role feel valued. If you can do this, then you can put your feet up confident in the knowledge that half the job's done and you can go and have a beer and watch the footy......if that's your thing.

6. Don't micro manage tasks or people. You have to trust the people who work for you can do stuff too. Don't be a twat and try to do everything yourself.

And my final piece of advice is that even if you're the best manager in the world, there are still going to be people who hate you with a vengance and would probably like to see you drown in a pool of your own vomit, but you can't let that bother you. If you do you might as well quit. You just have to face the fact that not everyone will like you. Jesus discovered this (to his horror) two thousand years ago and nothing's changed much about human beings since then.

As for me...well I enjoy 50% of my job. Now I have to try and get the other 50%. But more on that another time...