The most annoying work problems and how to solve them. A quick 'how to guide'

Problem
People who keep pretending to be sick to avoid a disciplinary hearing

Solution
Call their bluff on Doctor's notes. Request to have access to their GP to verify their claims and say that the hearing is wheelchair accessible to make it easier for the retard to attend. When they decline, you know they're a no good two faced lying son of a bitch who deserve to be put down like a dog. Happily oblige after you've sacked them by shooting them in the legs and giving them a map to the hospital...along with their P45 of course.

Problem
Incompetent HR Managers who are really Advisors but like to be called Managers as it makes them feel less retarded then they actually are

Solution
Simple really. Never call them for advice. Instead contact the people who actually know employment law because they wrote it - the Government. They're retarded as well but you should follow their advice instead as that way if you have to go to Employment Tribunal, you can claim you were complying with employment law and the bastard who's dared to take you to tribunal looks like a bigger drooling spaz then he already is. Of course he's so dumb, he'll think he's at an auction and make a 50 pound bid for the judge's wig.

I'll have more on 'Time wasting tossers' tomorrow. Tune in if you can bother.