The Vampires Of Christmas

They are feral creatures.

They push and claw at you if you get in their way. You are nothing to them. Less than nothing as they leave you broken on the floor and tread over you to get the last bag of potatoes.

They are the last minute shoppers.

Truly terrifying people I have to say. I got kicked, shoved and somehow my feet were run over by a trolley when I was in Sainsbury's trying to pick up a few ingredients for Christmas dinner on the 25th. It never ceases to amaze me the sheer lunacy on these shopper's faces as they prowl the aisles hunting for things they neither want or need. At least I had a list!

There was one point where a mum was moving past several other trolley's with her hellspawn....sorry, 'children' in tow. Whilst the kids were screaming at their mum to buy them rolo yoghurts, I actually heard her tell them to 'shut the fuck up!' Funny. She looked normal enough. Not a mark of burberry or tracksuit in sight. She was wearing nice normal mumish clothes. Her hair was tied into a neat ponytail and she had a sensible dark green winter coat on. Basically I had just heard what I thought was a nice normal mum swear horribly at her children. Okay, I might have agreed with her sentiment, but I was forced to wonder if these parents are the reason so many kids walk around with a bad attitude and knives hidden in their jackets?

The spirit of Christmas runs deep.

In any case, I hurried out and made my way home as soon as possible to try and remember that Christmas could be joyful and bright and less sweary.

Ho Ho Ho!

Santa Vs. Jesus - One night only, Live on Christmas Eve

Ah Christmas!

Don't you love the unseasonable jolliness? The over indulgence in food and drink? The presents you'll only use once in your life? I do!

Christmas represents a welcome break from my overworked mind and body. I'm really happy that I don't have to work until next year! I know for some people Christmas isn't such a big deal - Muslims, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists and that guy who's about to jump off a bridge on Christmas day.

Christmas is many things to many people. One of my friend's endures Christmas and looks forward to when it's over and he can get back to normal. Considering he got a petrol can as a present last year, I can't say I blame him. The worst thing was that he drives a diesel car so he can't even use the can.

But I like Christmas. I always try and give everyone a present they'll like and on Christmas Eve and Boxing Day we have a big party for everybody so that they can unwind and relax especially if they've had a crappy Christmas.

So Season's Greetings to all and here's to a Happy New Year!

Ho Ho Ho!

Rage Against The Machine Of Wankers!

Wankers.

There really is no other way to describe BA cabin crew, Bob Crowe and his band of dunderhead train drivers, The X Factor's lack of talent and all those managers who are actually no good at their job and try and pawn it off on those around them.

So I raged against the machine and started by downloading Killing In The Name! Anything to stop that smug git Simon Cowell from forcing another fopheaded twat into little girl's stockings on Christmas day. And that just sounded incredibly dodgy. But that is what happens when these brain dead freaks are of 'music' are forced into the public consciousness on a regular basis.

BA cabin crew can fuck off as well.

They've managed to piss off over a million people by threatening to strike over Christmas. Two people I care about have been affected and it's going to cause them no end of suffering over Christmas when they try to get home. Strikes don't solve anything. All they do is piss off decent hard working people. If you can't accept the conditions at your workplace then you know what to do - piss off and find somewhere else to work.

Bob Crowe needs a bullet to the head as well as all those twat drivers who strike because they're not satisfied with their 50k salaries plus lots of holiday and only 35 hours a week at work.

I think I just needed to rant against the machine...