Thursday, 10 March 2011
Final Countdown
A timer is set and very soon everything will explode in the world of cinema. I'm in a quagmire at the moment, but am working my way through reels of shit to escape the swamp.
Friday, 6 August 2010
The inception of belief
What is inception?
A similar question was asked at the start of so many reviews eleven years ago about another film - 'The Matrix'. Unlike 'The Matrix' though 'Inception' is a lot more believable. The core premise is that humanity has developed technology and drugs capable of allowing people to share dreams and enter each other's consciousness.
To tell you more about the plot would be to give too much away. But contrary to what you may have read in the papers and general public opinion, the film is not hard to follow. In fact it's quite a simple story - man takes one last job to get home to his children. It made me laugh when people came out from the cinema scratching their heads and complaining that the story was too hard to follow. Were they watching the same film as me?
It's true that if you do walk out to go to the toilet you may miss some important exposition...but that's the same of a lot of films. Inception is well worth watching. But don't let the gushing reviews and people scratching their heads fool you. The film is a lot simpler to understand then they would have you believe.
A similar question was asked at the start of so many reviews eleven years ago about another film - 'The Matrix'. Unlike 'The Matrix' though 'Inception' is a lot more believable. The core premise is that humanity has developed technology and drugs capable of allowing people to share dreams and enter each other's consciousness.
To tell you more about the plot would be to give too much away. But contrary to what you may have read in the papers and general public opinion, the film is not hard to follow. In fact it's quite a simple story - man takes one last job to get home to his children. It made me laugh when people came out from the cinema scratching their heads and complaining that the story was too hard to follow. Were they watching the same film as me?
It's true that if you do walk out to go to the toilet you may miss some important exposition...but that's the same of a lot of films. Inception is well worth watching. But don't let the gushing reviews and people scratching their heads fool you. The film is a lot simpler to understand then they would have you believe.
Sunday, 1 August 2010
Everything is changing...
Again it's been a while since I posted on this blog and for that I am sorry. However strange and ridiculous things have been happening in the world of cinema...well my cinema anyway.
In the past month 8 General Managers have left the company. All in London. All willingly. There are now 8 vacancies open for any chump foolish enough to apply for them. My boss - who looks like Shrek but without the humour - solidified my decision to leave the cinema business entirely when he called me last Thursday in response to an email I'd sent him the week before. I had been thinking of going for a while now and to perhaps try one more glimmer at hope, I naively believed that maybe the company still wanted me. I mean why wouldn't they? I've exceeded all the targets set me and trained and developed nearly four managers over the past year and a half.
Clearly I was wrong.
He told me that I should think long and hard about applying for the new positions and that if I did apply my salary wouldn't be increased. In fact I might have to take a pay decrease. I thanked him for letting me know about the information and hung up the phone shortly thereafter. I wasn't surprised, but actually hearing that you're no longer of any value to a job you really used to enjoy doing stunned me into silence......for about ten minutes and then I went to get pissed in the pub.
I have bigger fish to fry to be honest, and even if it takes me a while to escape, I'm going to try and stay content in the knowledge that I will be escaping to something better and something that reflects the value I know I have.
It's been a tough year for everyone I know and my problems are tiny compared to some of my friends and family. So instead of moaning in this blog, I have decided to keep you updated with my escape progress as well as regular accounts of the comings and goings at the cinema and what films you should be watching. My love of film remains as strong as ever! I've been applying for new jobs for about four months now and in the current climate it might take me a while to sort myself out. But I will. And hopefully keep you entertained in the interim!
In the past month 8 General Managers have left the company. All in London. All willingly. There are now 8 vacancies open for any chump foolish enough to apply for them. My boss - who looks like Shrek but without the humour - solidified my decision to leave the cinema business entirely when he called me last Thursday in response to an email I'd sent him the week before. I had been thinking of going for a while now and to perhaps try one more glimmer at hope, I naively believed that maybe the company still wanted me. I mean why wouldn't they? I've exceeded all the targets set me and trained and developed nearly four managers over the past year and a half.
Clearly I was wrong.
He told me that I should think long and hard about applying for the new positions and that if I did apply my salary wouldn't be increased. In fact I might have to take a pay decrease. I thanked him for letting me know about the information and hung up the phone shortly thereafter. I wasn't surprised, but actually hearing that you're no longer of any value to a job you really used to enjoy doing stunned me into silence......for about ten minutes and then I went to get pissed in the pub.
I have bigger fish to fry to be honest, and even if it takes me a while to escape, I'm going to try and stay content in the knowledge that I will be escaping to something better and something that reflects the value I know I have.
It's been a tough year for everyone I know and my problems are tiny compared to some of my friends and family. So instead of moaning in this blog, I have decided to keep you updated with my escape progress as well as regular accounts of the comings and goings at the cinema and what films you should be watching. My love of film remains as strong as ever! I've been applying for new jobs for about four months now and in the current climate it might take me a while to sort myself out. But I will. And hopefully keep you entertained in the interim!
Thursday, 1 July 2010
All Change Please
It has been a busy month. Too much to fit into one blog entry.
So a recap on the last month:
1. England proved just how poor they are at national football tournaments by crashing out of the World Cup
2. Two of my friends have had enough of their job and quit
3. I have had enough of my job and am seriously considering quitting
4. I have started studying a course part time
5. I am desperately looking for a new job to support myself and get out of the hell hole I'm currently in
6. I am very tired
7. The latest series of Doctor Who ended in a very quiet and wonderfully character driven way.
I'll be back with more updates soon.
So a recap on the last month:
1. England proved just how poor they are at national football tournaments by crashing out of the World Cup
2. Two of my friends have had enough of their job and quit
3. I have had enough of my job and am seriously considering quitting
4. I have started studying a course part time
5. I am desperately looking for a new job to support myself and get out of the hell hole I'm currently in
6. I am very tired
7. The latest series of Doctor Who ended in a very quiet and wonderfully character driven way.
I'll be back with more updates soon.
Wednesday, 2 June 2010
Sex And The Cinema
On average roughly 8.5 people are having sex in a cinema within the M25 and London a day. If I've got my maths right, that works out to about four couples copping off in the back row and one couple having a very heavy petting session or possibly just a blow job in the toilets.
Apologies for being so crass, but these things actually happen in cinema. Not every cinema mind you. The multiplexes that have a core chav audience are more susceptible to squelchy moans in a screen then say a traditional old high street cinema. Why? Well two reasons really.
1. High street cinemas are more likely to have more ushers/attendants monitoring the screens than the multiplexes due to layout and levels. On a multiplex layout it's easier to nip into a screen for a discreet shag as there is rarely more than one person monitoring the screens unless the cinema is very busy.
2. Chavs have a tendency to want to squelch in public places. This may have to do with their lack of brain cells and similarities in looks to Vicky Pollard.
During my time as a manager I've caught numerous couples 'getting it on' in the cinema the most recent being a pair of twenty somethings who gave the words 'disabled access' a whole new meaning. I'll let you imagine what we caught them doing. Personally I've been trying not to think about it. What is most interesting is that this couple were caught during the opening weekend of Sex and The City 2. The things they were doing make the film and series look like bawdy Carry on Films. And to be honest, from what I've heard from my team, the shagging couple provided more entertainment then the film ever could. (Apparently Sex and the City 2 is a bit shit).
So watch out when you next come to the cinema. If there are couples about in the screens or heading towards the toilets, you might want to keep a safe distance. You never know when someone's going to squelch.
Apologies for being so crass, but these things actually happen in cinema. Not every cinema mind you. The multiplexes that have a core chav audience are more susceptible to squelchy moans in a screen then say a traditional old high street cinema. Why? Well two reasons really.
1. High street cinemas are more likely to have more ushers/attendants monitoring the screens than the multiplexes due to layout and levels. On a multiplex layout it's easier to nip into a screen for a discreet shag as there is rarely more than one person monitoring the screens unless the cinema is very busy.
2. Chavs have a tendency to want to squelch in public places. This may have to do with their lack of brain cells and similarities in looks to Vicky Pollard.
During my time as a manager I've caught numerous couples 'getting it on' in the cinema the most recent being a pair of twenty somethings who gave the words 'disabled access' a whole new meaning. I'll let you imagine what we caught them doing. Personally I've been trying not to think about it. What is most interesting is that this couple were caught during the opening weekend of Sex and The City 2. The things they were doing make the film and series look like bawdy Carry on Films. And to be honest, from what I've heard from my team, the shagging couple provided more entertainment then the film ever could. (Apparently Sex and the City 2 is a bit shit).
So watch out when you next come to the cinema. If there are couples about in the screens or heading towards the toilets, you might want to keep a safe distance. You never know when someone's going to squelch.
Wednesday, 19 May 2010
Marmite
It's amazing how divisive films can be on people's opinions. Despite good reviews and positive feedback half the people who watched 'Four Lions' (a darkly comedic tale of four wannabee extremist suicide bombers) hated it. I know of several friends - including one who follows this blog - who didn't like the film, whilst simultaneously knowing several people who loved it.
I thought the film was hilarious and quietly tragic myself. So my initial reaction to two people hating the film was 'Jesus! Have they had a sense of humour bypass?'. However after thinking about their reactions a bit more I remembered something that my Dad told me a long time ago. 'Son, the world would be a truly dull lump of rock if everyone was the same and liked the same things.' Good 'ol Dad! He's usually right about a lot of things...except Red Chillies from South America. Those things will actually kill you Dad.
Another friend of mine who saw 'Four Lions' described it as 'Marmite' - you either hate it or love it. So far I think he's right. He hated it. I loved it....the film, not the Marmite. Although come to think of it, I think he hates Marmite as well (guess how I feel about it..). Anyway isn't that the great thing about films, books and pretty much every piece of creative art and food that human beings have ever produced? If we all liked the same things life would be pretty dull.
So I have decided to be a grown up and not berate two of my friends for having a different opinion to my own regarding 'Four Lions'.
Even though the film was great and they are clearly wrong.
I thought the film was hilarious and quietly tragic myself. So my initial reaction to two people hating the film was 'Jesus! Have they had a sense of humour bypass?'. However after thinking about their reactions a bit more I remembered something that my Dad told me a long time ago. 'Son, the world would be a truly dull lump of rock if everyone was the same and liked the same things.' Good 'ol Dad! He's usually right about a lot of things...except Red Chillies from South America. Those things will actually kill you Dad.
Another friend of mine who saw 'Four Lions' described it as 'Marmite' - you either hate it or love it. So far I think he's right. He hated it. I loved it....the film, not the Marmite. Although come to think of it, I think he hates Marmite as well (guess how I feel about it..). Anyway isn't that the great thing about films, books and pretty much every piece of creative art and food that human beings have ever produced? If we all liked the same things life would be pretty dull.
So I have decided to be a grown up and not berate two of my friends for having a different opinion to my own regarding 'Four Lions'.
Even though the film was great and they are clearly wrong.
Monday, 10 May 2010
Four Lions, Two Parties and a Squatter in Number 10
Well the election was a laugh wasn't it?
I voted and was disappointed that my choice didn't win (no, I'm not Labour or Conservative), but I still got a perverse rush of pleasure when no one party had won outright. Of course the money men started to panic immediately, the pound fell, the stock market when tits up for the weekend etc etc etc. Yet somehow, amazingly...the world kept on turning. Okay, Greece is buggered, but that's mainly because most of their residents haven't been paying tax for decades and hiding their money under the bedsheets. We're kind of buggered too, but even though we don't have a government I still see people going to work and generally getting on with life. Apart from the tits in Westminster and stock tarts in Canary Wharf I haven't really noticed anyone else worrying a great deal about who's going to end up in charge. And as far as I know, not many of us have been hiding our money under the bed.
As I write this some kind of power sharing deal is being discussed between the Conservatives and the Liberals. That squatter in Number Ten is also talking to 'The Man Who Would Be Clegg' to see if he can get something out of the farce. What none of them seem to realise is that we all think they're twats and would quite happily see them talk themselves to death. It would save us the boredom of having to listen to them squabble like teenagers in a playground.
We opened the cinema early last Thursday whilst the polls were open. I figured we might be able to make a bit of extra money from all the schools being closed for polling. As it turned out we didn't get too many kids. Iron Man 2 was a bit shit as it turned out and all our other films required thinking. Most of our customers were over 50 and more interested in watching a film than talking about politics. Quite right too.
In any case, I'm sure you'll agree that this mess will be sorted out soon enough and we can all get back to the daily routine that our lives end up becoming. As for me, I'm breaking with routine for a bit and taking some time off work to consider my options. Who knows, I might opt for a new career in politics. I couldn't be any worse then the lot we've allowed to squat in Westminster for the past decade.
At least, I don't think I could be....
I voted and was disappointed that my choice didn't win (no, I'm not Labour or Conservative), but I still got a perverse rush of pleasure when no one party had won outright. Of course the money men started to panic immediately, the pound fell, the stock market when tits up for the weekend etc etc etc. Yet somehow, amazingly...the world kept on turning. Okay, Greece is buggered, but that's mainly because most of their residents haven't been paying tax for decades and hiding their money under the bedsheets. We're kind of buggered too, but even though we don't have a government I still see people going to work and generally getting on with life. Apart from the tits in Westminster and stock tarts in Canary Wharf I haven't really noticed anyone else worrying a great deal about who's going to end up in charge. And as far as I know, not many of us have been hiding our money under the bed.
As I write this some kind of power sharing deal is being discussed between the Conservatives and the Liberals. That squatter in Number Ten is also talking to 'The Man Who Would Be Clegg' to see if he can get something out of the farce. What none of them seem to realise is that we all think they're twats and would quite happily see them talk themselves to death. It would save us the boredom of having to listen to them squabble like teenagers in a playground.
We opened the cinema early last Thursday whilst the polls were open. I figured we might be able to make a bit of extra money from all the schools being closed for polling. As it turned out we didn't get too many kids. Iron Man 2 was a bit shit as it turned out and all our other films required thinking. Most of our customers were over 50 and more interested in watching a film than talking about politics. Quite right too.
In any case, I'm sure you'll agree that this mess will be sorted out soon enough and we can all get back to the daily routine that our lives end up becoming. As for me, I'm breaking with routine for a bit and taking some time off work to consider my options. Who knows, I might opt for a new career in politics. I couldn't be any worse then the lot we've allowed to squat in Westminster for the past decade.
At least, I don't think I could be....
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