It has been a busy month. Too much to fit into one blog entry.
So a recap on the last month:
1. England proved just how poor they are at national football tournaments by crashing out of the World Cup
2. Two of my friends have had enough of their job and quit
3. I have had enough of my job and am seriously considering quitting
4. I have started studying a course part time
5. I am desperately looking for a new job to support myself and get out of the hell hole I'm currently in
6. I am very tired
7. The latest series of Doctor Who ended in a very quiet and wonderfully character driven way.
I'll be back with more updates soon.
Thursday, 1 July 2010
Wednesday, 2 June 2010
Sex And The Cinema
On average roughly 8.5 people are having sex in a cinema within the M25 and London a day. If I've got my maths right, that works out to about four couples copping off in the back row and one couple having a very heavy petting session or possibly just a blow job in the toilets.
Apologies for being so crass, but these things actually happen in cinema. Not every cinema mind you. The multiplexes that have a core chav audience are more susceptible to squelchy moans in a screen then say a traditional old high street cinema. Why? Well two reasons really.
1. High street cinemas are more likely to have more ushers/attendants monitoring the screens than the multiplexes due to layout and levels. On a multiplex layout it's easier to nip into a screen for a discreet shag as there is rarely more than one person monitoring the screens unless the cinema is very busy.
2. Chavs have a tendency to want to squelch in public places. This may have to do with their lack of brain cells and similarities in looks to Vicky Pollard.
During my time as a manager I've caught numerous couples 'getting it on' in the cinema the most recent being a pair of twenty somethings who gave the words 'disabled access' a whole new meaning. I'll let you imagine what we caught them doing. Personally I've been trying not to think about it. What is most interesting is that this couple were caught during the opening weekend of Sex and The City 2. The things they were doing make the film and series look like bawdy Carry on Films. And to be honest, from what I've heard from my team, the shagging couple provided more entertainment then the film ever could. (Apparently Sex and the City 2 is a bit shit).
So watch out when you next come to the cinema. If there are couples about in the screens or heading towards the toilets, you might want to keep a safe distance. You never know when someone's going to squelch.
Apologies for being so crass, but these things actually happen in cinema. Not every cinema mind you. The multiplexes that have a core chav audience are more susceptible to squelchy moans in a screen then say a traditional old high street cinema. Why? Well two reasons really.
1. High street cinemas are more likely to have more ushers/attendants monitoring the screens than the multiplexes due to layout and levels. On a multiplex layout it's easier to nip into a screen for a discreet shag as there is rarely more than one person monitoring the screens unless the cinema is very busy.
2. Chavs have a tendency to want to squelch in public places. This may have to do with their lack of brain cells and similarities in looks to Vicky Pollard.
During my time as a manager I've caught numerous couples 'getting it on' in the cinema the most recent being a pair of twenty somethings who gave the words 'disabled access' a whole new meaning. I'll let you imagine what we caught them doing. Personally I've been trying not to think about it. What is most interesting is that this couple were caught during the opening weekend of Sex and The City 2. The things they were doing make the film and series look like bawdy Carry on Films. And to be honest, from what I've heard from my team, the shagging couple provided more entertainment then the film ever could. (Apparently Sex and the City 2 is a bit shit).
So watch out when you next come to the cinema. If there are couples about in the screens or heading towards the toilets, you might want to keep a safe distance. You never know when someone's going to squelch.
Wednesday, 19 May 2010
Marmite
It's amazing how divisive films can be on people's opinions. Despite good reviews and positive feedback half the people who watched 'Four Lions' (a darkly comedic tale of four wannabee extremist suicide bombers) hated it. I know of several friends - including one who follows this blog - who didn't like the film, whilst simultaneously knowing several people who loved it.
I thought the film was hilarious and quietly tragic myself. So my initial reaction to two people hating the film was 'Jesus! Have they had a sense of humour bypass?'. However after thinking about their reactions a bit more I remembered something that my Dad told me a long time ago. 'Son, the world would be a truly dull lump of rock if everyone was the same and liked the same things.' Good 'ol Dad! He's usually right about a lot of things...except Red Chillies from South America. Those things will actually kill you Dad.
Another friend of mine who saw 'Four Lions' described it as 'Marmite' - you either hate it or love it. So far I think he's right. He hated it. I loved it....the film, not the Marmite. Although come to think of it, I think he hates Marmite as well (guess how I feel about it..). Anyway isn't that the great thing about films, books and pretty much every piece of creative art and food that human beings have ever produced? If we all liked the same things life would be pretty dull.
So I have decided to be a grown up and not berate two of my friends for having a different opinion to my own regarding 'Four Lions'.
Even though the film was great and they are clearly wrong.
I thought the film was hilarious and quietly tragic myself. So my initial reaction to two people hating the film was 'Jesus! Have they had a sense of humour bypass?'. However after thinking about their reactions a bit more I remembered something that my Dad told me a long time ago. 'Son, the world would be a truly dull lump of rock if everyone was the same and liked the same things.' Good 'ol Dad! He's usually right about a lot of things...except Red Chillies from South America. Those things will actually kill you Dad.
Another friend of mine who saw 'Four Lions' described it as 'Marmite' - you either hate it or love it. So far I think he's right. He hated it. I loved it....the film, not the Marmite. Although come to think of it, I think he hates Marmite as well (guess how I feel about it..). Anyway isn't that the great thing about films, books and pretty much every piece of creative art and food that human beings have ever produced? If we all liked the same things life would be pretty dull.
So I have decided to be a grown up and not berate two of my friends for having a different opinion to my own regarding 'Four Lions'.
Even though the film was great and they are clearly wrong.
Monday, 10 May 2010
Four Lions, Two Parties and a Squatter in Number 10
Well the election was a laugh wasn't it?
I voted and was disappointed that my choice didn't win (no, I'm not Labour or Conservative), but I still got a perverse rush of pleasure when no one party had won outright. Of course the money men started to panic immediately, the pound fell, the stock market when tits up for the weekend etc etc etc. Yet somehow, amazingly...the world kept on turning. Okay, Greece is buggered, but that's mainly because most of their residents haven't been paying tax for decades and hiding their money under the bedsheets. We're kind of buggered too, but even though we don't have a government I still see people going to work and generally getting on with life. Apart from the tits in Westminster and stock tarts in Canary Wharf I haven't really noticed anyone else worrying a great deal about who's going to end up in charge. And as far as I know, not many of us have been hiding our money under the bed.
As I write this some kind of power sharing deal is being discussed between the Conservatives and the Liberals. That squatter in Number Ten is also talking to 'The Man Who Would Be Clegg' to see if he can get something out of the farce. What none of them seem to realise is that we all think they're twats and would quite happily see them talk themselves to death. It would save us the boredom of having to listen to them squabble like teenagers in a playground.
We opened the cinema early last Thursday whilst the polls were open. I figured we might be able to make a bit of extra money from all the schools being closed for polling. As it turned out we didn't get too many kids. Iron Man 2 was a bit shit as it turned out and all our other films required thinking. Most of our customers were over 50 and more interested in watching a film than talking about politics. Quite right too.
In any case, I'm sure you'll agree that this mess will be sorted out soon enough and we can all get back to the daily routine that our lives end up becoming. As for me, I'm breaking with routine for a bit and taking some time off work to consider my options. Who knows, I might opt for a new career in politics. I couldn't be any worse then the lot we've allowed to squat in Westminster for the past decade.
At least, I don't think I could be....
I voted and was disappointed that my choice didn't win (no, I'm not Labour or Conservative), but I still got a perverse rush of pleasure when no one party had won outright. Of course the money men started to panic immediately, the pound fell, the stock market when tits up for the weekend etc etc etc. Yet somehow, amazingly...the world kept on turning. Okay, Greece is buggered, but that's mainly because most of their residents haven't been paying tax for decades and hiding their money under the bedsheets. We're kind of buggered too, but even though we don't have a government I still see people going to work and generally getting on with life. Apart from the tits in Westminster and stock tarts in Canary Wharf I haven't really noticed anyone else worrying a great deal about who's going to end up in charge. And as far as I know, not many of us have been hiding our money under the bed.
As I write this some kind of power sharing deal is being discussed between the Conservatives and the Liberals. That squatter in Number Ten is also talking to 'The Man Who Would Be Clegg' to see if he can get something out of the farce. What none of them seem to realise is that we all think they're twats and would quite happily see them talk themselves to death. It would save us the boredom of having to listen to them squabble like teenagers in a playground.
We opened the cinema early last Thursday whilst the polls were open. I figured we might be able to make a bit of extra money from all the schools being closed for polling. As it turned out we didn't get too many kids. Iron Man 2 was a bit shit as it turned out and all our other films required thinking. Most of our customers were over 50 and more interested in watching a film than talking about politics. Quite right too.
In any case, I'm sure you'll agree that this mess will be sorted out soon enough and we can all get back to the daily routine that our lives end up becoming. As for me, I'm breaking with routine for a bit and taking some time off work to consider my options. Who knows, I might opt for a new career in politics. I couldn't be any worse then the lot we've allowed to squat in Westminster for the past decade.
At least, I don't think I could be....
Tuesday, 20 April 2010
Whip It Strip It Kick It!
The only thing more interesting then work is not working. So that just about includes everything else.
It's been quite a few weeks since I posted and boy just look at what's happened in that time!
General Election announced,
Volcano related travel mishaps,
Gordon Brown and David Cameron being exposed as twats on national television,
Various people I know made redundant,
Various people I know getting sick,
Random biscuit related problems, etc etc etc
The sun has started to shine and politicians are out in their droves trying to win our vote for May 6th. When the sun shines it also means less business for the cinema. Easter was quite busy and despite the weather getting better, people were still coming in their droves to watch Avatard and Alice in Dunderland. There weren't many too new films about...unless you count Clash of the Titans and How to Train Your Dragon in 3D, which I didn't.
The only good film I did see recently was 'Whip It' - a film about Roller Derby girls. Surprisingly funny and good and I would recommend watching it.
I'll be in touch soon.
It's been quite a few weeks since I posted and boy just look at what's happened in that time!
General Election announced,
Volcano related travel mishaps,
Gordon Brown and David Cameron being exposed as twats on national television,
Various people I know made redundant,
Various people I know getting sick,
Random biscuit related problems, etc etc etc
The sun has started to shine and politicians are out in their droves trying to win our vote for May 6th. When the sun shines it also means less business for the cinema. Easter was quite busy and despite the weather getting better, people were still coming in their droves to watch Avatard and Alice in Dunderland. There weren't many too new films about...unless you count Clash of the Titans and How to Train Your Dragon in 3D, which I didn't.
The only good film I did see recently was 'Whip It' - a film about Roller Derby girls. Surprisingly funny and good and I would recommend watching it.
I'll be in touch soon.
Sunday, 28 March 2010
Good Night and Good Luck...
It's been an entertaining few weeks in cinema. Alice In Wonderland turned out to be not that good after all that fuss, Green Zone was actually all right, Kick Ass is hilarious and I was demoted at work. That last bit doesn't really bother me as much I thought it would.
My company has become completely disinterested in cinema and solely focused on 'cost cutting'. Which to be honest is something a lot of companies are focused on at the moment. It is a bitter pill to swallow but it just means I have no incentive to show any loyalty or give a shit. So I'm on the hunt for new prospects.
There really isn't much else to say except 'watch this space' because I hope to be doing something more wonderful and interesting over the next year or so.
My company has become completely disinterested in cinema and solely focused on 'cost cutting'. Which to be honest is something a lot of companies are focused on at the moment. It is a bitter pill to swallow but it just means I have no incentive to show any loyalty or give a shit. So I'm on the hunt for new prospects.
There really isn't much else to say except 'watch this space' because I hope to be doing something more wonderful and interesting over the next year or so.
Sunday, 14 March 2010
www.whatthehellisgoingon.com
I'm a step behind when it comes to keeping up with technology. Despite the fact that the internet is now 20 years old I am only now going to attempt to build a website.
Perhaps in another 20 years I'll be an internet king! Possible...albeit a bit unlikely.
The first thing I have to do is buy a domain name apparently. Then the next thing I have to do is figure out how to build the site and make it look good enough for people not to click off in disgust....this is really boring to read about isn't it?
Okay how about some cinema gossip then?
I'm not looking forward to the prospect of going into the cinema this week for several reasons.
1. I have to finish up the investigations into the Senior Technician not doing his job and hold a meeting with him whereby he'll come up with a number of increasingly ridiculous excuses as to why he's a lazy fuck. If he annoys me too much I think I'm just going to knock him out.
2. Another day, another bunch of lies from the senior management. I and my colleagues around London have been summoned to a meeting up north this week where the company plans to 'reveal it's exciting new direction and changes '. Considering we only have a budget up till June this year I assume this means that we're on the verge of being sold.
I am close to quitting due to being fed up and having all my resources that enable me to do my job being taken away. I've been lied to so many times the last year by my company that I don't want to work for them anymore. The only thing that's stopping me from leaving is fear. Just the fear of being unemployed in the current climate. I need to live at the end of the day.
But it's not all bad. There are people in a far worse situation then me so I shouldn't moan. I know I can get something else. I just need to work at it.
Once I know how to build this website malarky that will help a great deal. And before you ask, no it's not porn.
Perhaps in another 20 years I'll be an internet king! Possible...albeit a bit unlikely.
The first thing I have to do is buy a domain name apparently. Then the next thing I have to do is figure out how to build the site and make it look good enough for people not to click off in disgust....this is really boring to read about isn't it?
Okay how about some cinema gossip then?
I'm not looking forward to the prospect of going into the cinema this week for several reasons.
1. I have to finish up the investigations into the Senior Technician not doing his job and hold a meeting with him whereby he'll come up with a number of increasingly ridiculous excuses as to why he's a lazy fuck. If he annoys me too much I think I'm just going to knock him out.
2. Another day, another bunch of lies from the senior management. I and my colleagues around London have been summoned to a meeting up north this week where the company plans to 'reveal it's exciting new direction and changes '. Considering we only have a budget up till June this year I assume this means that we're on the verge of being sold.
I am close to quitting due to being fed up and having all my resources that enable me to do my job being taken away. I've been lied to so many times the last year by my company that I don't want to work for them anymore. The only thing that's stopping me from leaving is fear. Just the fear of being unemployed in the current climate. I need to live at the end of the day.
But it's not all bad. There are people in a far worse situation then me so I shouldn't moan. I know I can get something else. I just need to work at it.
Once I know how to build this website malarky that will help a great deal. And before you ask, no it's not porn.
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