Valentine's day.
What is it good for? Selling awful cards, sickly chocolates, disposable gifts and generally making single people miserable. Valentine's day is about selling disposable love. It's not real, it doesn't last and yet so many people buy into it. Why? Because deep down we all want to be loved.
Cinema is no exception to any of this. It wants to be loved and is willing to buy into the falseness of Valentine's day to get noticed. No stranger to capitalising on people's fragility, Hollywood has surpassed itself this year and actually made a film simply called 'Valentine's Day'. It is released this Friday two days before February 14th and you can be guaranteed the cinema will be filled with dozens if not tens of dozens of couples come to immerse themselves in the cloyness of Valentine's Day and generally piss off anyone who isn't with someone.
You may think I'm saying this because I'm bitter and twisted. 99% of the time you'd be right - I am quite bitter and twisted. But I'm also honest. I and my girlfriend despise Valentine's Day. She hates it because she sees it as another shameless gimmick designed to make people spend money. I hate it because I remember exactly how alone I felt every Valentine's Day for years. I would see the same couples who are going to come to the cinema this Friday, exchanging flowers, cards and chocolates and generally going all soppy over one another. These same couples would split up about a week to a month later. If you're feeling sick right now, don't worry - it's a normal reaction to how pathetic Valentine's Day actually is.
I am certain there are some people who think Valentine's Day is a wonderful and lovely holiday. If you are one of those people, then all the best to you. However I must remind you of one thing; if the person you want to shower with affection is so special, why wait to Valentine's Day to make them feel special? Why not do it today? And while you're at it, come to the cinema on another day when there's a better film out. I can reccommend 'Kick Ass!' which comes out in April and is guaranteed to raise a smile on the most hardened cynic.
Personally my overall assessment of February 14th is this - It's shit. So do yourself a favour - Fuck Valentine's Day.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to plan a surprise for my girlfriend in April. A romantic (and hopefully dirty!) weekend away. Now that's love...snoogins!
Monday, 8 February 2010
Friday, 5 February 2010
Prince of Persia, Kick Ass & several redundancies...
Well, it was our company conference yesterday. And cue much arse kissing, stroking of egos and very heavily political answers that didn't answer the questions asked. They said there would be no redundancies....despite making several Regional Manager's redundant and some Cinema Manager positions as well.
Cinema is performing well which is why no one could understand these cost cutting exercises. At this time of writing 'Avatar' has exceeded the 2 billion dollar world wide box office mark and it's just one of many films that are performaing well. So why the cuts? Well my colleagues and I had an interesting theory. The senior management team are just a bunch of lying cheating greedy cunts.
We did get to see some new film footage though and I can't wait to see Kick Ass! Unfortunately, Prince of Persia looks like a complete load of toss, but you never know. It might be good. Probably not.
The rest of the day was spent getting drunk of our collective asses and trading CVs.
Cinema is performing well which is why no one could understand these cost cutting exercises. At this time of writing 'Avatar' has exceeded the 2 billion dollar world wide box office mark and it's just one of many films that are performaing well. So why the cuts? Well my colleagues and I had an interesting theory. The senior management team are just a bunch of lying cheating greedy cunts.
We did get to see some new film footage though and I can't wait to see Kick Ass! Unfortunately, Prince of Persia looks like a complete load of toss, but you never know. It might be good. Probably not.
The rest of the day was spent getting drunk of our collective asses and trading CVs.
Sunday, 31 January 2010
Facebook No More
I've bitten the bullet and done something I've been thinking about for a quite a while now - I've quit facebook.
I was beginning to get disturbed by the anount of people I was 'friends' with who I never talk to or even see. Plus there is so much private information floating around in the ether about me and my family, I thought it might be time to start reigning in a bit more control over my life.
This is item 1 on my 2010 to do list. Only a few more to go...
I was beginning to get disturbed by the anount of people I was 'friends' with who I never talk to or even see. Plus there is so much private information floating around in the ether about me and my family, I thought it might be time to start reigning in a bit more control over my life.
This is item 1 on my 2010 to do list. Only a few more to go...
Wednesday, 6 January 2010
Sherlock Holmes and Dances With Smurfs...
Christmas is always a lot of fun at the cinema. Just not for the people working there.
The films that come out are usually quite entertaining and the arse end of 2009 was no exception. We had Dances with Smurfs...otherwise known as 'Avatar'. Quite a fun film but not the epic amazing piece of cinema that all the reviews would have you believe. It is an old story just set on another planet. I did fancy the hot blue alien chick though (played by a real life hotty - Zoe Saldana. If you've seen Star Trek this year, you'll know what I'm talking about). Dances With Smurfs is proof positive that CG has now managed to get to the point where you think you're watching a real person and not a series of 1s and 0s on a computer. The film is fun but could have been better without the faux Titanic musical theme rip off sung by Leona Lewis and repeated at various points throughout the film.
Then there was the all singing all dancing all masterbating masterpiece that was 'Nine' starring every single Hollywood and European star you can think of. Only watch if you're a fan of musicals. The women look hot and you can almost hear the cameraman salivating as he swoops over their bodies and up their skirts...when they're wearing them.
Finally there was 'Sherlock Holmes' which was so much fun, I went and saw it twice! Who would have thought that of a recent Guy Ritchie film? Maybe now he's no longer encased by Madonna's terrifyingly spider like legs, he can chill out and have some fun! And it comes across in this wholly entertaining 'odd couple' take on Holmes and Watson. I highly recommend that you go and see it.
And typical, the cinema chain I work for once again demonstrated their total lack of commercial sense when it comes to forecasting business, and underestimated the levels we received over the Christmas and New Year period. I would say 'morons' but that would be a moot point.
We were busy with a capital 'B'. A lot of cinemas ran out of popcorn and drinks and we had so many requests to borrow our supplies it even got to the point where the Regional Manager instructed us to send stock over to another site because they were down to 3 popcorn cartons and 1 kernel of corn. I wish I was making this up.
In any case, hear's to 2010 and all change for me.
The films that come out are usually quite entertaining and the arse end of 2009 was no exception. We had Dances with Smurfs...otherwise known as 'Avatar'. Quite a fun film but not the epic amazing piece of cinema that all the reviews would have you believe. It is an old story just set on another planet. I did fancy the hot blue alien chick though (played by a real life hotty - Zoe Saldana. If you've seen Star Trek this year, you'll know what I'm talking about). Dances With Smurfs is proof positive that CG has now managed to get to the point where you think you're watching a real person and not a series of 1s and 0s on a computer. The film is fun but could have been better without the faux Titanic musical theme rip off sung by Leona Lewis and repeated at various points throughout the film.
Then there was the all singing all dancing all masterbating masterpiece that was 'Nine' starring every single Hollywood and European star you can think of. Only watch if you're a fan of musicals. The women look hot and you can almost hear the cameraman salivating as he swoops over their bodies and up their skirts...when they're wearing them.
Finally there was 'Sherlock Holmes' which was so much fun, I went and saw it twice! Who would have thought that of a recent Guy Ritchie film? Maybe now he's no longer encased by Madonna's terrifyingly spider like legs, he can chill out and have some fun! And it comes across in this wholly entertaining 'odd couple' take on Holmes and Watson. I highly recommend that you go and see it.
And typical, the cinema chain I work for once again demonstrated their total lack of commercial sense when it comes to forecasting business, and underestimated the levels we received over the Christmas and New Year period. I would say 'morons' but that would be a moot point.
We were busy with a capital 'B'. A lot of cinemas ran out of popcorn and drinks and we had so many requests to borrow our supplies it even got to the point where the Regional Manager instructed us to send stock over to another site because they were down to 3 popcorn cartons and 1 kernel of corn. I wish I was making this up.
In any case, hear's to 2010 and all change for me.
Tuesday, 22 December 2009
The Vampires Of Christmas
They are feral creatures.
They push and claw at you if you get in their way. You are nothing to them. Less than nothing as they leave you broken on the floor and tread over you to get the last bag of potatoes.
They are the last minute shoppers.
Truly terrifying people I have to say. I got kicked, shoved and somehow my feet were run over by a trolley when I was in Sainsbury's trying to pick up a few ingredients for Christmas dinner on the 25th. It never ceases to amaze me the sheer lunacy on these shopper's faces as they prowl the aisles hunting for things they neither want or need. At least I had a list!
There was one point where a mum was moving past several other trolley's with her hellspawn....sorry, 'children' in tow. Whilst the kids were screaming at their mum to buy them rolo yoghurts, I actually heard her tell them to 'shut the fuck up!' Funny. She looked normal enough. Not a mark of burberry or tracksuit in sight. She was wearing nice normal mumish clothes. Her hair was tied into a neat ponytail and she had a sensible dark green winter coat on. Basically I had just heard what I thought was a nice normal mum swear horribly at her children. Okay, I might have agreed with her sentiment, but I was forced to wonder if these parents are the reason so many kids walk around with a bad attitude and knives hidden in their jackets?
The spirit of Christmas runs deep.
In any case, I hurried out and made my way home as soon as possible to try and remember that Christmas could be joyful and bright and less sweary.
Ho Ho Ho!
They push and claw at you if you get in their way. You are nothing to them. Less than nothing as they leave you broken on the floor and tread over you to get the last bag of potatoes.
They are the last minute shoppers.
Truly terrifying people I have to say. I got kicked, shoved and somehow my feet were run over by a trolley when I was in Sainsbury's trying to pick up a few ingredients for Christmas dinner on the 25th. It never ceases to amaze me the sheer lunacy on these shopper's faces as they prowl the aisles hunting for things they neither want or need. At least I had a list!
There was one point where a mum was moving past several other trolley's with her hellspawn....sorry, 'children' in tow. Whilst the kids were screaming at their mum to buy them rolo yoghurts, I actually heard her tell them to 'shut the fuck up!' Funny. She looked normal enough. Not a mark of burberry or tracksuit in sight. She was wearing nice normal mumish clothes. Her hair was tied into a neat ponytail and she had a sensible dark green winter coat on. Basically I had just heard what I thought was a nice normal mum swear horribly at her children. Okay, I might have agreed with her sentiment, but I was forced to wonder if these parents are the reason so many kids walk around with a bad attitude and knives hidden in their jackets?
The spirit of Christmas runs deep.
In any case, I hurried out and made my way home as soon as possible to try and remember that Christmas could be joyful and bright and less sweary.
Ho Ho Ho!
Monday, 21 December 2009
Santa Vs. Jesus - One night only, Live on Christmas Eve
Ah Christmas!
Don't you love the unseasonable jolliness? The over indulgence in food and drink? The presents you'll only use once in your life? I do!
Christmas represents a welcome break from my overworked mind and body. I'm really happy that I don't have to work until next year! I know for some people Christmas isn't such a big deal - Muslims, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists and that guy who's about to jump off a bridge on Christmas day.
Christmas is many things to many people. One of my friend's endures Christmas and looks forward to when it's over and he can get back to normal. Considering he got a petrol can as a present last year, I can't say I blame him. The worst thing was that he drives a diesel car so he can't even use the can.
But I like Christmas. I always try and give everyone a present they'll like and on Christmas Eve and Boxing Day we have a big party for everybody so that they can unwind and relax especially if they've had a crappy Christmas.
So Season's Greetings to all and here's to a Happy New Year!
Ho Ho Ho!
Don't you love the unseasonable jolliness? The over indulgence in food and drink? The presents you'll only use once in your life? I do!
Christmas represents a welcome break from my overworked mind and body. I'm really happy that I don't have to work until next year! I know for some people Christmas isn't such a big deal - Muslims, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists and that guy who's about to jump off a bridge on Christmas day.
Christmas is many things to many people. One of my friend's endures Christmas and looks forward to when it's over and he can get back to normal. Considering he got a petrol can as a present last year, I can't say I blame him. The worst thing was that he drives a diesel car so he can't even use the can.
But I like Christmas. I always try and give everyone a present they'll like and on Christmas Eve and Boxing Day we have a big party for everybody so that they can unwind and relax especially if they've had a crappy Christmas.
So Season's Greetings to all and here's to a Happy New Year!
Ho Ho Ho!
Wednesday, 16 December 2009
Rage Against The Machine Of Wankers!
Wankers.
There really is no other way to describe BA cabin crew, Bob Crowe and his band of dunderhead train drivers, The X Factor's lack of talent and all those managers who are actually no good at their job and try and pawn it off on those around them.
So I raged against the machine and started by downloading Killing In The Name! Anything to stop that smug git Simon Cowell from forcing another fopheaded twat into little girl's stockings on Christmas day. And that just sounded incredibly dodgy. But that is what happens when these brain dead freaks are of 'music' are forced into the public consciousness on a regular basis.
BA cabin crew can fuck off as well.
They've managed to piss off over a million people by threatening to strike over Christmas. Two people I care about have been affected and it's going to cause them no end of suffering over Christmas when they try to get home. Strikes don't solve anything. All they do is piss off decent hard working people. If you can't accept the conditions at your workplace then you know what to do - piss off and find somewhere else to work.
Bob Crowe needs a bullet to the head as well as all those twat drivers who strike because they're not satisfied with their 50k salaries plus lots of holiday and only 35 hours a week at work.
I think I just needed to rant against the machine...
There really is no other way to describe BA cabin crew, Bob Crowe and his band of dunderhead train drivers, The X Factor's lack of talent and all those managers who are actually no good at their job and try and pawn it off on those around them.
So I raged against the machine and started by downloading Killing In The Name! Anything to stop that smug git Simon Cowell from forcing another fopheaded twat into little girl's stockings on Christmas day. And that just sounded incredibly dodgy. But that is what happens when these brain dead freaks are of 'music' are forced into the public consciousness on a regular basis.
BA cabin crew can fuck off as well.
They've managed to piss off over a million people by threatening to strike over Christmas. Two people I care about have been affected and it's going to cause them no end of suffering over Christmas when they try to get home. Strikes don't solve anything. All they do is piss off decent hard working people. If you can't accept the conditions at your workplace then you know what to do - piss off and find somewhere else to work.
Bob Crowe needs a bullet to the head as well as all those twat drivers who strike because they're not satisfied with their 50k salaries plus lots of holiday and only 35 hours a week at work.
I think I just needed to rant against the machine...
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